A Wet Wilderness Weekend

Months ago some friends mentioned their desire to go hiking and I personally saw it as a great opportunity to take a weekend off and be out in nature. A bonus for me was the idea of being able to “teach” others what I know related to overnight camping. I thought back to my own first night out and how little I knew so wanted to gift others with some basic knowledge. While I certainly would not consider myself an expert I very much remembered my own experience with blisters and then my discovery of moleskin and double-liner socks. 

Going into the trip, I had little worry. Every person was extremely fit and capable. The only worry really within my mind at the start was this question of how was I going to turn OFF being therapist and just show up. To clarify, I only managed the above partially (shocker). Now as I continue to reflect days later because that is what therapists do, I realize even more about the weekend. 

There is recognition of how much I truly learned. Super important-I learned that ice cream sandwiches can be a thing even in the wilderness. I also learned that a 4 person tent really means a 3 man tent and that some people walk faster than others. Nature reminded me that no matter how many times I see turtles I will always still get excited like a five year old when I spot one. I also learned that the moment of coming out of the tent in the morning to the sounds of the forest is a moment to savor and that sitting around the campfire in smelly clothes and borrowed camp shoes brings a presence allowing me to care more about what is happening in the moment than how I look in the moment. There is also a new added item on my bucket-list to try: hammocking (thanks Kaylee). 

Deeper than any of my learning though is what I was gifted. What is harder to describe and more felt with the heart. Gifts that were given to me within moments. The group trusted me with the process helping me to more fully trust myself. I walked into the wilderness with hesitancy and a desire for perfection and walked out with trust that I can lead imperfectly and still be loved within that. I stepped onto the trail trying to leave the therapist in me at the trailhead and somewhere along the way many times over reclaimed that part of me as part of me. Initially scared this part would be an annoyance but instead I found it was embraced which led to beautiful healing not just for others but for me. 

At one point we were all in a circle stepping in for what applied to us and each time others took a step into the circle I too found myself stepping into the same circle. I was there in the same process. Soaking wet just like everyone around me because of the hours of rain and then the downpour that had come through leaving our clothing, shoes, and packs soaked through. Even in the not so ideal moments, there was the gift of being alongside others rather than alone reminding me that in life I truly am not alone. 

This huge gift of friendship occurred through the many moments. The moment when I was given a hug and felt the stress I was carrying drop to the ground. The moment I was invited to simply lay beside and the gift of safety, comfort, and connection in that. The moment of sharing something difficult and feeling a hand on my back, as if to say “I am here and I know that was hard”. The listening as I would share a moment of difficulty or something vulnerable and the oh so real for me. The questions along the trail helping me process further as I walked further telling me that there is an interest in what I have to share. The laughter and the tears allowing me to be fully human. Imperfectly perfect in my humanness. All these gifts came through the moments. The moments offered by nature and a group of people who said “yes” to journeying through the weekend with me. The richness and love I experienced is something that will not be forgotten and I imagine will continue to impact what is to come. 

What is to come? I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that no matter where we are there is a gift in being in community and in having connection with others. I often say that we are all so deserving of community and yet I know that it can feel and at times even be difficult to find. It involves risk and involves showing up. It’s not easy and yet in it I believe we can learn so much about ourselves and even can experience healing in ways we might not have even know we needed. I may not be in the wilderness each weekend but what I hope carries with me wherever I am is the reminder that community and connection is a beautiful gift and worth investing in. That in relationships with others that we might also find more of us. 

Also, I do not feel its right to end this blog without giving a shoutout to all who gifted me with so much. Thank you and shoutout to Mylon, Philip, Felicia, Kaylee, Kyle, Andres, and Richie!