"Never" "Alone" or "Never Alone"
What I did not know while on this run was that just days later there would be a community close by navigating tremendous shock and grief. That students at schools would be processing the loss of a friend and that families would be deeply impacted by a loss in their community. As a therapist it hit especially close to home and I was also aware that those I knew might be deeply impacted in various ways. Its one of those moments you know there is not a perfect fix or a quick win-win solution. People are hurting.
This hurt is certainly something that as a therapist I am not a stranger to but more than that as a human it is something I have known and felt. I suspect I am not alone in this. I imagine many of us have felt that something would "never" change or that we are "alone".
"Never alone". This is something I wonder if we have had as much exposure to or experience with. I know for many years I probably could have told you more "alone" stories than "never alone".
Now when I think about moments in my life where I felt "never alone" it was often when there was deep pain but when I felt a deep presence of peace and connection or when I was surrounded by a circle of people. When I felt that someone was carrying the weight with me and that I did not have to carry it alone. I think back to sitting in a circle relief workers called "coffee and croissants" and how that circle changed everything for me. It was simply a circle of people that agreed to show up and hold the weight together. There were not solutions or should's offered. There was simply an awareness of the weight. The tremendous gift offered to each in the room was the willingness to hold whatever was brought together. Everything from the coffee to the croissants to the deepest pain was shared. There was not mine and yours but ours. There was no denying or minimization of the weight. There was also no blaming of who the weight should belong to. It was instead a place to simply circle around together and each hold it to the capacity that we could. Some showed up stronger and more able to hold more weight than others. Others stepped in and held every part of the weight that they could and all felt the gift in that. Them stepping in to hold even just a part of it was deeply appreciated.
This week as I saw a friend and stated, "I cannot wait to hold the weight together this Friday when we meet up" there was once again the realization that these spaces are vital. Whether it is another person or a group, there is so much relief in knowing that you do not have to carry it alone. This week in a moment of real frustration someone responded and carried that with me while offering me an experience of their own making me feel valid and not alone. Another person showed up for me and offered presence as a wave of sadness came over me. A friend and I sat down and shared the weight of our week reminding me that it is okay to have weight and it can also be detrimental to our bodies if we have to carry the weight for too long.
What is amazing to me is that as others hold the weight with us we are then able to also have greater capacity to show up for others in the moments they might need someone to show up for them. As I volunteered this week at an event, a girl was giving it her all in a workout and was overwhelmed. I could see the tears in her eyes as she continued to push. It was not required that I hold the feeling with but it was an honor to do so. She was showing up and I wanted to show up with her in what she was experiencing because I know what that feels like to have someone there in those moments willing to hold it with you. It might not change the feeling or the pain or even the event but in my experience it brings a hope and a relief. It is something less explained and more felt with the heart.
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