Reflections of a Therapist

Tonight as I reflect on my day, the words still linger, "Not IF, but WHEN". The morning started with a few individual therapy sessions, much like most Wednesday mornings. Then from there I had a mid-day book club meeting for work on my calendar and then 4 more back to back individual therapy sessions. I knew that it would be a day where I would hear a lot and be processing trauma with individuals. I knew that I would likely see tears and bear witness to a range of emotions. This was all expected within my day. I also assumed as I started the day that the easiest or lightest part of my day would be facilitating the lunch book club meeting and facilitating the discussion around the book "The Body Keeps the Score".  This is a book I have read multiple times and I felt rather prepared for the discussion and even with a few minor interruptions, the discussion was a win in my mind.  As I walked out I had a brief discussion with a co-worker. She shared something that reson...

  Recently I was running and noticed this written on the rocks. As I continued to run I thought back to the times I have felt more alone in my life then I noticed a wave of gratitude flow through me as I thought about the people I have in my life today.  What I did not know while on this run was that just days later there would be a community close by navigating tremendous shock and grief. That students at schools would be processing the loss of a friend and that families would be deeply impacted by a loss in their community. As a therapist it hit especially close to home and I was also aware that those I knew might be deeply impacted in various ways. Its one of those moments you know there is not a perfect fix or a quick win-win solution. People are hurting.  This hurt is certainly something that as a therapist I am not a stranger to but more than that as a human it is something I have known and felt. I suspect I am not alone in this. I imagine many of us have felt that ...

EMDR day 4. Each day has revealed something. Today, day four confirmed that EMDR training is intense.  Any training is a lot but 4 days of EMDR is a whole new level. EMDR stands for Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and is used to process trauma.  So essentially, this means I have spent the last four days talking about, hearing, and processing trauma. I will spare any readers the details. Needless to say by 5pm today I was more than ready for a run and some outside time.  Thankfully, a fellow trainee asked me yesterday “what are you doing for fun after the training?” This reminded me I did in fact need to have some fun and not just continue working after the training. He also told me about a super close by trail and hours later that I was on the start of that trail.  At the start I checked in with myself as I often do and realized my fatigue level and also the readiness I had to move. On a deeper level though I realized the weariness I was carrying from t...

Months ago some friends mentioned their desire to go hiking and I personally saw it as a great opportunity to take a weekend off and be out in nature. A bonus for me was the idea of being able to “teach” others what I know related to overnight camping. I thought back to my own first night out and how little I knew so wanted to gift others with some basic knowledge. While I certainly would not consider myself an expert I very much remembered my own experience with blisters and then my discovery of moleskin and double-liner socks.   Going into the trip, I had little worry. Every person was extremely fit and capable. The only worry really within my mind at the start was this question of how was I going to turn OFF being therapist and just show up. To clarify, I only managed the above partially (shocker). Now as I continue to reflect days later because that is what therapists do, I realize even more about the weekend.   There is recognition of how much I truly learned. Super impor...

Recently I posed a question to some of my friends. It was really a request in the form of questions. A request that for my birthday instead of gifts, that the people who know me would answer one of several questions. One of the options was to pick a picture they might want to know more about. Another was to answer the question: "What is it like to be on the other side of me?"  The birthday messages flowed in and what I gained was more insightful and helpful than any present would have been. Not only did it give me clarity and perspective but also allowed me to go back to various times and places in my own life. Times where I had crossed paths with the people sharing with me or timestamps in my own journey.  This was one of the latter. Just a picture but in my mind a timestamp. Like a timestamp on the outside of a manilla folder which contains pages and is filled with feelings, images, questions, and so much more.  The picture, taken in a refugee camp in Greece. A refugee ...

“Meet me here”.  Words offered as an invitation. An invitation first and foremost for me to meet myself in the places that life offers me. An invitation to meet whatever it is life is offering me. Also an invitation to you, whoever and wherever you may be, to meet me in the words I write and the stories I share. “Meet me here” Words offered to me by a close friend and mentor. Words offered in love and words of wisdom. Words that lingered. The words “meet me here” offering a permission. A permission greater than even words could provide. Permission to breathe into. To feel. To be. Words that to this day remind of the permission to be exactly where I am and to be in process. To be fully alive and fully human. To meet every thought and every feeling. To meet parts of self, both new and old. To meet my hopes and dreams. To meet my today and my tomorrow. “Meet me here” You, reader, are invited to meet me here. Whoever you might be. No matter where you live or what you believe. I invite ...